this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
