goodnight i made you a song goodbye
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
