the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
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