imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
