He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
