so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
