dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
