she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
