Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
