he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Jerry, you need to find god
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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