Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
