I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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