So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
