i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
