Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
