Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
