I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
