I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
