i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
