I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You pole danced in your parka.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
