I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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