look no pants
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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