Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
