the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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