I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
