We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
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