is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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