Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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