We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
