Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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