going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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