Life is so much better after having sex.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
