Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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