home. puking in laundry basket.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
