I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
