Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
