I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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