some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
