i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
