Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
