i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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