He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
