have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
