So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
