Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
