she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
