is your mom at the bar?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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