i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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