I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
