the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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