So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
